Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
