why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
