I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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