pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
