Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
