East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
