no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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