My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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