so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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