my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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