drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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