Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
