Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
