Say something about gay babies.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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