If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
