i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
