Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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