Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
