What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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