that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
