I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
