I hope mine doesn't look like that
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
