so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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