That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
