You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i wish my penis had a tongue
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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