you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize