Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Do vagina's smell?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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