I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
