Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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