Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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