I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
