he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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