I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
