Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My ass is underappreciated
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
