he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm passing your future prison.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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