i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
