You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
