The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
