bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
and you fell through a lawn chair
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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