Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
