I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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