I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
