I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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