So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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