Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(512): View more from Texas

I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.

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(407): View more from Florida

I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."

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(323): View more from California

No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important

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(517): View more from Michigan

Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.

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(516): View more from New York

Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?

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(314): View more from Missouri

For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many

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