That's intense
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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