I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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