Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
