i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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