I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
