So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
