508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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