I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
