my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
