you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize