Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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