You smell like stripper and shame
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
