youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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