Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
