genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Your penis caused this!
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
