great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
And then my night got REAL pukey
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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