For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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