Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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