You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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