Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
