Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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