Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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