Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
