a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
