Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
