I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
