You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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