she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
