He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
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