so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize