Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
