I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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