He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
