Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
