sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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