you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize