Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
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